Love Not Lost
by lucianolover
Summary: Takes place after CoE. Jack has been gone with The Doctor for a few weeks. Avoiding his pain. Then suddenly he is called back to Cardiff by Martha Jones. What could she want?
1. The Return

Jack woke up from a restless sleep. It had been the first time he had slept in 2 weeks. Granted sleep deprivation was never really an issue with him, but still before the 456 invasion Jack had been able to sleep at least once a week. Now that he finally had fallen asleep he really wished he hadn't. His sleep was filled with visions of all the great times he had had in the last year with Ianto. Just thinking of that man now, still brought a tear to Jack's eye. Not just because he had actually felt something for the quiet and reserved Mr. Jones, but also because he hadn't deserved to die that way or that young.

"_Death by Torchwood" _Jack thought to himself. The thought provoked a small chuckle. _"Ironic isn't it, that I told him to label Susie's death as that only a few short years ago. Writing that down for his cause of death would be an understatement. Ianto was always completely dedicated to the cause. He never strayed or thought it too much. If he had thought it was too much he never told anyone, not even me. Ianto would have been proud to know he died for Torchwood."_

Jack is brought out of his thoughts by a sudden lurch in his surroundings. Jack jumped from his seat and ran to the main area of the ship. The Doctor was at the controls, there were flashing lights and whistles chiming. "Doctor what is happening?" Jack asks the man standing directly in front of him.

"Just a bumpy landing, that's all." The Doctor says in a cheeky manner. Jack just shakes his head at The Doctor's inability to properly control his own craft. Every time Jack had ridden in the TARDIS he had moments of fearing for the life he would never be able to lose.

Just as the TARDIS came to a crashing halt, the phone line attached to it began to ring.

"Hello" The Doctor answered the phone warily, the phone hardly ever rang.

"Oh Martha!" The Doctor responded to the caller rather excitedly. "Oh yeah I will definitely tell him."

"Tell me what Doctor?" Jack asks, knowing full well that Martha had a message for him.

"Well I guess I could just let you talk to him then, yeah" The Doctor said into the phone right before extending the receiver towards Jack.

"Hey Martha it's been a while." Jack half-heartedly smiles into the receiver.

"_Hey Jack. Listen there is something I need to talk to you about. You think you can come round to my place, now that you and The Doctor are back on this planet."_

"Yeah I think I can manage that. As long as we don't talk about what happened a few weeks ago." Jack sighs.

"_One of these days Jack you are going to wish you hadn't been so guarded when the ones who loved you tried to help. The emotions you keep inside will eventually cause a mental breakdown if you are not careful."_

"Just save the speech Martha. I will come round your flat as soon as I get a chance. I need to try and contact Gwen first." Jack says as he hangs up the phone.

Jack walked out of the TARDIS and wasn't surprised to see that they were in Cardiff once more. Jack slightly hoped he would never have to come back to this place. After all, he had nothing left any more. Ianto, Owen, and Tosh were all gone and Torchwood 3 had been destroyed a few weeks before from the bomb attack. Jack felt guilty being back in Cardiff. He felt that in his quest to save humanity he had had to suffer and sacrifice way too much. If only he could save the world without losing the ones he loved.

Standing at Cardiff Bay, Jack contemplates how to proceed. He knows that he has no transportation of his own. Considering Captain Jack always had funds of some kind, he decides that it wouldn't set him back any to take a cab to Martha's place. Before he contacts a cab though, Jack decides to phone Gwen.

"_Gwen Cooper."_

"Hey Gwen, it's me." Jack breathes into the phone after Gwen answers.

"_JACK! You cheeky bastard! You said you would never come back. If you are calling me that means you are in a place where you can call. Where exactly are you?"_

"Cardiff." Jack sighs sadly.

"_Oh wow."_

"I know. I was traveling with The Doctor and he decided to land here for some reason. Maybe he thinks I need to come back here to feel better or whatever." Jack replies.

"_I am sure Ianto's family would love to see you. They knew that you were special to him. He told me about telling his sister about you guys before he died."_

"I can't, not yet Gwen. It's still too fresh." Jack admits with another sigh.

"_If you wait too long they will hate you for waiting so long."_

"Let's just not talk about this right now okay?"

"_Okay. Do you want to come round here? Rhys wouldn't mind you coming for dinner."_

"Thanks for the offer Gwen, but I need to go round Martha's for something. She said she needed to see me about something."

"_You need a lift there? I could be there in a jiff."_

"I would appreciate it. I am at Cardiff Bay. I can see they slightly fixed the gaping hole where Torchwood 3 used to be."

"_Yeah they are working on making the area look more presentable. I'll be there soon Jack."_

Jack hung up his phone and turned to face the ocean. The water spread out like it was never ending, like a dark abyss. Jack remembered a time when he and Ianto had stood here just looking out. Not talking or kissing, just standing there in each other's embrace. Jack felt a tear roll down his cheek. Never in all his years of being alive had he thought anyone's death could affect him in such a way. No one had ever really touched him like Ianto had though. Ianto had made him feel more human.

Half an hour later Jack was standing outside Martha Jones' building. Her flat was on the third level and it was a walk up only. Jack sighs and starts his trek up the three flights. He knocks on the door, a little out of breath.

"Coming!" yells a voice from inside the flat.

Moments later the door opens to reveal a young woman with dark skin and equally dark hair. She smiles at the sight of Captain Jack Harkness on her doorstep. Martha Jones had known Captain Jack since they saved the world a few years back. Their friendship had blossomed almost immediately.

"Umm…Jack I wasn't expecting you this soon. Is there any chance I could get you to stay right there for just a few more minutes? Please?" Martha says with a super pleading look on her face.

"Sure, because everything is worth waiting for, right?" Jack says with a cheeky grin.

"Thanks!" Martha said as she slams the door in Jack's face in her rush to get back in her flat.

After what seemed like hours, Martha returned to her front door and let Jack inside.

"So Jack, how were your travels?" Martha asks as the two friends sit down on her couch.

"Is that really the urgent thing you needed me to come over for?" Jack anxiously asks, obviously not wanting to beat around the bush.

"No, but I really do want to hear all about what you and The Doctor ran into while travelling," she admits with a smile, "You do realize that you have technically only been gone a few weeks."

"Yes I do realize that, but still time is not important to me." Jack deadpans.

"Jack I really wish you would talk about it. Time is important to you, especially when it comes to Ianto."

"Why do you keep bringing that up? Why does everybody think I need to talk about it?"

"Well, Jack because we all know he was special to you. We know, even though you tried to hide it, his death broke you."

"What do you want me to say? That I could hardly breathe after realizing he was gone? That I had to leave the planet in order to stay sane? I will if that is what everyone wants to hear. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" Jack says as tears escape his eyes.

Martha simply sits across from Jack's slightly turned body on the couch. She wants to reach out and touch him, but is unsure about whether or not he will reject it. Instead she sits and watches as Jack starts to break down. She has never seen her friend this vulnerable before. He is usually so strong. It's at this moment that she realizes just how much Ianto meant to Jack.

Suddenly there is the sound of someone approaching from the back of the flat. Jack hears the noise and looks up towards the doorway, leading to Martha's bedroom. The sight before him causes him to stand up and approach the person.

The dark haired, lean man standing in the doorway suddenly utters one simple word, "Jack"

Jack walks up to the person and after touching him determines that he is real.

"Ianto?"


	2. Ianto's Tale

The two men stand across from each other just staring for what seems like hours. Martha quietly sits in the background smiling to herself. This had been her idea, after all Ianto had contacted her a while back wondering if she could get in contact with Jack. Martha had spent the next week or so trying to find out where Jack was. Finally as a last ditch effort Martha had contacted The Doctor.

Martha looks at the two men before her. One is young and eager. The other is older. Whether he was actually over a hundred years old or not, Jack always looked like he was in "midlife" for a normal human. The two men continue to just stare at each other for the next half hour. It is obvious that the younger one is so relieved to find out that the older one actually came back to him. The older one is clearly shocked to see that his lover is in fact alive NOT dead.

"Jack, I can explain." Ianto finally says to his lover as he brings his body right up against Jack's.

Instead of a response, Jack stares at Ianto as if to say, "Then you better". He again reaches out and strokes Ianto's face, as if still not really believing that the man was in fact alive and well. Jack gives a sad smile as he drinks in all that is Ianto: his soft blue eyes that were, and still are, full of eagerness and excitement, his thick dark hair that Jack loves to run his fingers through, and his soft hands and lips always so loving towards Jack.

"I think we should go somewhere else to talk about this." Ianto says a little shyly.

Jack, still unable to find his voice simply nods.

"Martha, we are going to be going. Thanks for all your help." Ianto directs towards his new found friend.

"Oh okay." Martha says as she stands to bid her guests goodbye.

As Ianto and Jack walk out of Martha's apartment, Jack finally finds his voice.

"Where would we go?" Jack asks Ianto as he once again reaches out to touch him, this time on the shoulder.

"I still have my flat you know?" Ianto replies with his usual grin.

Jack returns the smile with his signature cheeky grin and pulls Ianto in for a sideways hug. The two continue their short walk to Ianto's flat in silence. Every so often Jack turns and glances over at Ianto still wondering how he survived. Jack had never experienced something like this before; unless you counted the times the risen mitten was used, but this was different. After all, the risen mitten had been destroyed some time ago.

Suddenly, Jack feels warmth against his hand. He looks down and discovers that Ianto had slipped his hand into Jack's. A gesture that Jack thought he would never get to experience ever again. Jack stops in his tracks and brings Ianto's hand up to his face. He smiles and then places a kiss to the back of Ianto's hand. The touch of Jack's lips elicits a groan from Ianto and the younger man steps closer towards Jack. Now the two men are flush against each other. Jack has no doubt that Ianto is real and not just an optical illusion. Ianto takes his free hand and places it behind Jack's neck, pulling Jack closer still, and then without warning Ianto presses his lips against Jack's.

Jack, feeling the kiss, jumps away from Ianto causing their hands to become untwined. Ianto stares at Jack in utter disbelief. He can't believe that Jack was rejecting him.

As if knowing what Ianto was thinking, Jack responds, "Ianto, we can't just jump back in guns blazing as if nothing has happened. YOU DIED! I watched you die right there in my arms, and now you are standing before me ALIVE! I'm sorry but that is just too weird even for me."

Ianto nods and the two continue their trek. Within minutes they were in front of Ianto's flat. Jack smiled at the memory of the last time the two of them had spent time there. It had been ages ago, but to Jack it was as if it had only been yesterday.

Ianto lets them in and then immediately goes to the kitchen to make coffee. Jack chuckles under his breath when Ianto returns with a cup of coffee, made just the way Jack liked it. The two sit down on the couch and drink their coffees in silence for what seems like days. The silence becomes too intense for Jack so he speaks.

"So how the hell are you alive, Ianto?" Jack asks giving Ianto a rare stern look.

"It's a really long story." Ianto sighs putting down his coffee.

"I have nothing but time." Jack says giving Ianto a meaningful look.

"I will tell you as long as you promise you will think nothing less of me afterwards."

"Ianto, I don't think I could ever think less of you."

"Oh believe me sir, you probably could. You might think that what I did is more reckless than the Lisa fiasco. However, you must understand that I did it because I love you and I wanted to ensure that we had a little more time together. See I knew that working for Torchwood meant early death and therefore a short lived relationship with the only man I have ever loved. I couldn't just let you go Jack so I did something that some might find unethical." Ianto stops to take another sip of coffee.

Jack takes this lull in the conversation as a moment to speak up. "I still don't understand how this is possible."

"It's all thanks to Owen really." Ianto says simply.

Saying Owen's name brings back the memory of the day Ianto did the deed, so to speak.

"_Owen, could I get you to do me a favor," Ianto asks as he brings the doctor his coffee._

"_Maybe, teaboy as long as it isn't illegal." Owen responds with a tight lipped smile._

"_I want you to infuse some of Jack's blood into my body," Ianto ventures._

"_Why the bloody hell would you want that? It's not like you don't already get enough of him in you." Owen incredulously responds, still ending with a jab at Ianto's sex life with the Captain._

"_Owen we all die young, it's always been that way with Torchwood. You know it, I know it. We all bloody know it!"_

"_Still not seeing why you would want an infusion of Jack's blood."_

"_I don't want to have to say goodbye to him yet. I need more time with him."_

"_You're puppy love for the man makes me sick. You do realize that even if you lived forever he wouldn't stay with you that whole time. You are always going to be nothing more than part-time shag to him."_

"_I just want more time with him. I want my life to mean something more than what it does right now."_

"_And you think that becoming like him you can do that? What the hell is this world coming to?"_

"_So will you help me?"_

"_Well my question for you now is, would you really want to live forever?"_

"_I guess I hadn't really thought of that. Jack has seen so much negative in his lifetime. I don't know if I could handle all the pain."_

"_You can't believe me mate I know. You are way too vulnerable for that."_

"_So you're not going to do it are you?"_

"_No I will do you one better."_

"_Oh yeah? What's that?"_

"_I have a pill of sorts, I invented it myself. It allows the taker one do over. If they die it will bring them back to life one time and one time only."_

"_I wouldn't mind that."_

"_One catch though."_

"_What's that?"_

"_You have to promise me that once you have died and brought back to life you will leave Torchwood. That way your second life will have a chance to last." Owen explains to Ianto as he pulls out a pill canister._

"_Deal, now give me the pill." Ianto agrees putting his hand out as he gazes up towards Jack's office._

"_Don't take it now though; wait until you go out on a super dangerous mission that way you can ensure it will last long enough to save you. If you were to take it now you would have to die within six months." Owen responds as he hands Ianto the pill canister._

"_Thanks" Ianto replies as he steps past Owen and out of the lab._

"How does Owen play into all this?" Jack asks, placing his hand on Ianto's forearm, bringing the young man out of his memories.

"He gave me second life. He invented this pill that can bring back the taker from death. However, it only works once. I got the only pill in existence. We didn't even know if it would work really, but it was better than the alternative." Ianto replies, looking deep into Jack's eyes.

"What was the alternative?" Jack tilts his head slightly to the left, in question.

"Owen infusing your blood into my body," Ianto deadpans.

"OH GOD NO!" Jack looks at Ianto with horror.

"Relax; I just said I took a pill didn't I? Why would I have taken a pill if Owen had infused me?" Ianto reassures Jack with a touch of his hand.

"So did you take the pill right when Owen gave it to you?"

"No, he told me I had to take it right before a really dangerous mission one where I would most likely die because he said the pill only lasts six months." Ianto says as he caresses Jack's face.

"Well that settles things then. I am relieving you of your Torchwood duties immediately. No point wasting this so called second life of yours." Jack says with a sigh as he stands up from the couch.

Ianto smiles and stands up next to Jack. He takes Jack's face into his hands and the two men exchange a kiss. It is a kiss like none either man had ever experienced before, not even Jack who had experienced many a kiss. Ianto ran his fingers through Jack's hair as he pulled the man in tighter. He hungrily forced his tongue into Jack's mouth. After what seemed like hours the two men come up for air.

"Don't worry, Owen made me promise not to go back to Torchwood after death or else he wouldn't give me the pill." Ianto says to Jack breathlessly.

Jack pulls the man back into a warm embrace. With Ianto's head on his shoulder, Jack whispers into the young man's ear "So glad to have you back. Let's make it last."


End file.
